Tonight, I have the rage.
All round, it's not been a good day.
It's a rare thing to get any good news in the post these days. It could be argued that it's a rare thing indeed to get ANY post. Needless to say that the post that DOES get delivered to my house, is generally bad news.
But today, it was really bad.
I got 3 letters. The first are from 1 - My gas supplier.
2 - My electricity supplier.
I knew straight away it was bad news. The buggers know that there's a financial squeeze on everyone at the moment. So, being the caring, customer focused, environmentally friendly, and generally all round great bunch of guys that they are, they've decided to put the price of my gas and electric up.
BLOODY FANTASTIC!!!!!!
They go on to explain that, they've tried to hold their prices for as long as possible, but were unable to continue to do so, blah blah blah, blah blah blah.
Yeah, right! Why can't they just be honest.
The shareholders want to upgrade to a 23 bedroom mansion, and, you know, running 15 Ferrari 455's isn't as cheap as you might think. And the company are thinking of making us shareholders pay for our own electric in future unless we turn in a profit of £50,000,000,000 in the next financial year.
I would honestly have more respect for them if they told the truth!
So, despite the fact that they have tried to keep their costs to an absolute minimum, they have no alternative but to put up my energy prices.
Well, I have one suggestion for them to get their costs down.
SEND ME ONE BLOODY LETTER INSTEAD OF 2!!!!!!!!!
You see, my gas supplier, and my electricity supplier are the same company. But they saw fit to send me 2 letters on the same day, in 2 envelopes worded identically, except one said gas, the other said electric.
They were even thoughtful enough to suggest that if I was not happy with these 'changes' I could switch to another supplier.
Well, I might just do that, thank you very much.
Except what's the point!
Oh, I'm sure at first the new supplier will be all charming, very attentive and caring. I'll ring them on their 'new customer priority line'. They'll answer on the first ring. I won't have to go round the houses to speak to someone. And 5 minutes later, it'll all be over and done with.
However, once I'm 'on board', it'll be totally different. They won't answer my calls, I'll be given the runaround. The person I need to speak to will be busy. Or not in. Or not interested. They'll say they'll do it, and won't. And in the end, I'll feel very frustrated, and give up.
Sound familiar ladies? I can see Mrs B reading this and nodding her head vigorously through those last couple of paragraphs.
So, that was the first 2 letters. As you can imagine, by now, I'm not feeling very chuckly.
Then, I open the third.
It's from a company who have just been awarded the contract to look after the street lighting in my neighbourhood.
And they're 'delighted' to tell me that they will be replacing all the street lighting in the next 6 weeks.
DE- BLOODY-LIGHTED!!!!!
IT ONLY GOT REPLACED 6 MONTHS AGO! IT'S FINE. IN FACT, I'D GO SO FAR AS TOO SAY IT'S BLOODY MARVELOUS! WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TO SHOUT FOR JOY ABOUT AROUND HERE, BUT THE STREET LIGHTING IS ONE OF THEM. IT'S GREAT.
Sorry, give me a moment to calm myself. Deeeeeeep breaths.
They are even thoughtful enough to send a 10 page leaflet, explaining 'The benefits of Your New Street Lighting'. And answering some 'Frequently Asked Questions'.
It goes on to say that some lighting is more than 40 years old, is orange, and shines light in all directions.
Well, I don't know who's street lighting they're looking at, but it's certainly not ours!
They also mention that new, improved lighting will help reduce crime in the area. Well, I live in a part of the world that frequently gets set alight by the local 'darling children'. And the light that the fires give off doesn't exactly put the little buggers off being antisocial. Quite the opposite in fact.
Besides, I would prefer to see extra police on patrol in the area if they want to reduce crime. Not a sodding lamp post.
And then the FAQ's.
Will the project help save money? Will there be holes in the pavement or road? Will the bins still be collected?
Sorry? WILL THE BINS STILL BE COLLECTED? WHAT THE..........?!?!?!?!?!?
Surely, they made THAT one up!
Unless what they're trying to say is 'Good news, we're replacing your street lighting'.
'Bad news, we will no longer be emptying your bins, so lets hope they find a cure for bubonic plague soon!'
Oh, and in case you were wondering, don't worry, because the old lights will be recycled or reused.
We are not talking about trees here you know! We don't need to replace my one, then plant the old one elsewhere!
Actually, that's given me an idea. I'm gonna get the neighbours together, and we will form a chain around all the lamp posts on the 'day of reckoning'.
One neighbour per post should do it. I'd even supply the waterproof trousers and boots.
There are a lot of dogs around here you know!
And the final insult to the day. My bloody neighbour.
Whilst I'm out tonight, he texts my wife. Apparently, he's had a bad day, and he's run out of beer. Could he ponce a couple from me.
HE'S HAD A BAD DAY!
But that's not the final insult.
He works for my soon to be previous energy supplier.
THE GIT!
P.T.F.O.
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