Take Two Pairs of Socks on a Run? Too Right..............

I have a dilemma.

Today, I was bought a present. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not in any way ungrateful. Especially when they were bought by the much beloved Mrs B. And I asked her to get them. But, now I have got them, I'm not too sure.

I am talking about a pair of running tights.

Well, I say running tights, but in all honesty, quite what the difference is between them and ordinary tights is beyond me. Apart from the fact that this is the first time I have worn the running variety.

Mrs B got me two sizes to try. Medium and large. One look at the large was all I needed. I'm too scared to go anywhere near the medium.

So, I hold them up in front of me, eying them suspiciously. All I can think is "This ain't gonna be pretty".

"Well, try them on then" says Mrs B encouragingly, with more than a twinkle in her eye.

I take off my standard jogging bottoms and put them on. Now, when I say 'put' them on, I mean wrestle, cajole, fight, squeeze, and generally pour myself into them. After much 'rearranging', I stand in front of her for her opinion.

She collapses on the floor in uncontrollable, hysterical laughter walks slowly around me, taking it all in.

"Look" she says. "They have a little pocket at the back". I feel. Sure enough, right in the middle, and slightly above the 'pant melons', is a little pocket with a zip. I'm not saying these things are snug, but if I put a pound coin in that pocket, you would be able to tell if it was 'heads or tails'.

And that's not all you could tell about me.

You can see EVERY little detail about the lower half of my body, with these damn things on. The varicose veins, the spot on my left bum cheek. Heck, you can even see my pulse! I could have gone to the local automotive supplies shop, bought a can of black paint, and sprayed THAT on the lower half of my body. AND made the whole job look like I was wearing clowns trousers compared to these things.

Honestly, all that's missing as far as I'm concerned, is the Tu Tu, and the cod piece.

And therein lies the problem. I do not have the 'equipment' to wear this type of clothing. It was all fine and dandy for Lindford 'Lunchbox' Christie. In fact, how he managed to run without tripping over his 'cucumber' was nothing short of miraculous.

It's just that I am less 'cucumber'. And more 'pickled gherkin'. And the last, smallest one, that always gets left in the jar too.

And the cold weather is certainly not my friend at the moment either. It's getting too cold for shorts now. The trouble is, it's also too cold to wear the tights.

And another problem. In a race, there is quite a lot of tight clothing around. And some of the female runners look rather good in it. Should I be following one of them, and the 'gerbil wakes up in his cage'  beast roars from it's cage, it'll make national headlines.

And, if Ned Flanders shows up in HIS mega tight all in one ski suit, forget it! 

I am going to have to run around the whole race, saying to myself over and over again "Think unsexy thoughts". "Think unsexy thoughts".

So, you see my dilemma. Do I run in shorts, and get bloody cold, or do I run with the tights, and risk being known as action man, with moving eyes, a big gun, and no penis.

Or, I've just thought of a third option, and also the title for this blog. Take an extra pair of socks. For 'enhancement' purposes.

P.T.F.O.