If you're reading this it means I am 1-0 up on modern technology and have managed to get it up first time. (Truly a world first for me). If you are not however, then at least I am safe in the knowledge that I am the only person reading this boring drivel.
So, about me. I am early forties, male and more than a little bewildered. The rest you already know having read the title of this page. Yes, I am married, very happily of course, (NOT edited in as an afterthought) to a woman who understands me too well for my own good. So, who is the lucky woman? She would probably tell you the one/ones that got away when they realized what a boring old fart I really am. We weren't childhood sweethearts. We've been together nearly 22 years, married for 13 (taking "Try before you buy" to a whole new level).
We have 2 wonderful children. And I DO mean the word wonderful. It's just my meaning of the word may differ slightly to yours. They get on very well indeed. That is, until they are in the same room. Then Armageddon ensues because one of them used the last of the milk or the other one wants to watch something else on the telly. Or one is breathing to loud or the other is brushing their hair. Real vital, compete for attention stuff. Of course, we are model parents and explain to them how we love them both, and there is no need to compete for our love. Or tell them if they don't "Shut the heck up", they will end up being adopted.
We live in the South of England having moved here about 15 years ago. All these time-frames are approximate, due to the fact I did not consult said wife before writing this. We all know that when it comes to these kinds of facts and figures, women can quote to fifteen decimal places. It's all I can do to remember to wear trousers when I go outside. Or which car is mine in the car park.
Deciding we needed more to occupy our lives, we are also owners of a cat and a dog. They get on fine except that the dog is addicted to the cats bum, and every time he goes for a sniff, gets 5 very sharp ones across the nose. He is supposed to be one of the more intelligent breeds of dog, but fear that when God said "Brains", our dog thought he said "Trains", and he missed his. We now agree that the pets were a step too far and we are overwhelmed by all the feeding, cleaning, tidying, walking, clearing up, grooming and health care responsibilities. The pets, however, are no trouble at all.
What, I hear you ask, does he do in order to feed, clothe, keep in Xbox games, craft and fashion magazines, beauty products, flea collars, dog chews and generally maintain in the manner to which they have not so much become accustomed too, more a case of feel obliged to be grateful for even though they know they could do better? I won't tell you directly, other than to say it involves:-
A) A lot of driving, being very organized, on time, professional, earning a great deal of respect and using my expert selling skills and techniques to meet and exceed my sales targets, and going home satisfied in the knowledge that I have done a full days work and truly earned my salary
Or
B) A lot of driving, being stuck in traffic, swearing, being sworn at, grabbing customers by the lower leg, and not letting go until they buy something from me, missing my sales targets by miles and going home wondering why I still do this "poxy" job, knowing I should have done better and feeling like a fraud.
Why start blogging? Simple answer. I have little to say, but a lot of words to say it with. I'm not saying I'm boring. In fact, I find myself managing to stay awake through most of my conversations with myself these days. It's just that I've always had a little dream of writing something that others might read, maybe admire, but in all likelihood, probably just pity. That and the fact that they now use anti graffiti paint in most public conveniences these days, meaning I have to find another outlet for my "thoughts".
I intend to post as and when I can be bothered. Be warned though, I have had intentions before. A few of them good, but very rarely follow any of them through for very long. So don't hold your breathe. It will be on a wide range of topics, including the news, music, personal experiences, other peoples misfortunes, or nothing in particular.
I will leave it there for now. I eagerly await your feedback. Or, I couldn't give 2 hoots what you think. You know it's drivel, I know it's drivel. But at the end of the day, so is 78.43% of what's on the Internet. (Figure quoted from how much battery life is left on my i Phone).
P.T.F.O.
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